Parnell's Pub

Saturday came in two parts yesterday.  I spent ohhh about 6 plus hours at a place called the Town Fryer which I will get to in a later post.  Later in the evening we went to Parnell's Pub to catch Heelsplitter. 

Parnell's was celebrating it's 13th anniversary last night and it was pretty packed.  I've been to Parnell's a few times before and it has always been a decent experience.  It's a nice little Irish Pub on Cleveland's Eastside located next to the Cedar Lee Theater.  The service here even with a packed house was incredible.  Two bartenders taking care of a packed bar with 10 beers on tap is actually pretty amazing.  They have a really extensive list of beers on tap but it's an Irish place so I usually have PBR or Tequila.  Kidding, kidding!  I usually will have a pint of mothers milk or one of the other Irish imports they have available.  As far as food goes I think they have food here but I am not 100% certain.  I never have seen anyone eating here, only drinking.  Thinking about it I would hate to say they don't have food but after doing some research they actually do although I have never witnessed this food other folks speak of. 

The service I think was the big standout for me here.  Like I said this night it was packed but I never had to wait more than a minute to be acknowledged.  If they couldn't get to me right away, they always said "be with you in a second" or something along those lines and were back promptly.  The beer selection was really good as well.  The prices on the other hand made this something of an every once in a while place to go.  Even the PBR tall boys were $5.00.  It's PBR for crying out loud.  So why bother getting that when you can get a nice pint of Guinness, Smithwicks, or Boddingtons for around the same price. 

The bar area is very narrow, it has a few TV's showing whatever the big game might be that night.  They do show a lot of the big European football and rugby matches I understand for the true Irish folk that like that sort of thing.  They expanded to allow for a dinning area with a stage for bands to play, but the crowds don't make it a great music venue.  The bands are more of an afterthought unfortunately.  It's a mixed crowd but a little on the young side.  They have a patio but seeing how it was 2 degrees outside I did not partake.  Being a born and raised Westsider the parking will always be an issue for me.  There is a large spacious parking lot that was pretty jammed to capacity because the area is so lively.  It is metered parking and 25 cents a half hour.  The meters only take quarters so if you have dimes and nickels in the change cup you are shit out of luck.  I'd rate this place a 5 star on service but lower it down a star or 2 due to the crowds and narrow packed bar, the prices on the high side and if you actually came to watch the band the noise level.  There is nothing you can do about the parking so I'll just deal with it.  

Heelsplitter were pretty damn good.  They played 2 sets and were down a Splitter.  I saw them play as a 3 piece before when they were busking over on Conventry and the sound still works for them.  I hate to make it sound like they don't miss Julie on the guitar and vocals though because she really does add a lot, but they still do work as a 3 piece.  It's just a little different.  Not a bad different or anything either just a little more stripped I guess is a good way to describe it.  They did a couple new songs and threw in a couple new instruments; a fiddle and this kick drum bass bar thingy called a Porchboard Bass.  It was pretty sweet and now I want one.  It's always a pleasure seeing these guys play, even more so with the new material and instruments.  Unfortunately the place was a bit loud to really enjoy the show 100%.  It was cool seeing that double set thing and headlining their own show.  The crowd that was there to see them was into it and I got more great pictures.  I think I am their official photographer at this point with the amount of Splitter photos I have taken.  So, when they break Cleveland I'll go ahead and be famous right along with them and sell my stuff for millions to TMZ or Perez Hilton or something. 

Minh Ahn

First off let me say this full moon thing going on really messes with people minds.  It causes people to drive like idiots (100mph on the highway race going on with3 cars on 90).  And apparently it makes every fucking restaurant in Cleveland packed to the hilt.  First stop tonight was The Town Fryer...which again...for the third time I tried to go to was closed.  The doors were locked and it was 6pm.  I guess they are open for lunch and only open when bands are playing or something.  I really have no clue.  I want to try the food there so bad.  The menu is down home southern cookin' from Susie Porter a true southern belle if I ever met one.  Unfortunately they just seem to keep really fucked up hours.  I just fear the worst for the Fryer.  It is on East 55th in the old Agora.  The Agora is closed for the most part due to the shady business dealings of a guy certain to be in the top 5 Cleveland jackass hall of fame, Phil Lara.  He is responsible for killing multiple clubs in the Cleveland area.  Scene Magazine had a great article about this dickhead a while back you can check out here Phil Lara Cleveland Douchebag Award Winner 

Anywho...the once vibrant Agora where I saw countless shows from The Butthole Surfers to Wilco is all but a ghost town now due to the massive fucking the club took due to some bad business dealings. The only thing that remains is a shell of the club and concert hall it once was.  The Town Fryer is trying to make a go of it there but it's hard to shake the stigma, plus no one even knows it is open I guess.  They just don't have the budget to compete it seems.  And honestly the wacky hours probably have people shaking their heads doing a WTF?  I have been there to see a friends band play and it's a great little club.  It has a great jukebox, from what I hear great food and good people.  The bar was a little small, the room is big and the sound was good.  I just don't get what the heck is going on with the hours.  Tomorrow however there is a benefit show there for Ali Porter to help out with some medical bills after a bad spill down some stairs.  That is from 2pm until 1am and yeah maybe I am a glutton for punishment I am going to head back up. 

So we drive around looking for a place to eat...Downtown was a zoo, everyone driving like assholes so we headed to Tremont...packed, packed, no where to park, packed.  Ok try Villa Y Zapata, packed, ok, try The Parkview Night Club, packed.  We saw some weird joint on West 54th and Herman called Tina's Night Club.  Ok it was too weird to even go into, broken down trailers in the back, 2 cars in the lot.  It didn't really scream fine dining so I turned around and headed over to Minh Ahn on Detroit and 54th. 

Now we have been to Minh Ahn before and knew the food was great.  It wasn't a risk at all.  So out of the bitter cold to get some Vietnamese heat.  I am going to start off by bitching about the service.  The service S-U-C-K-E-D.  Horrible slow as a fucking turtle service.  Such bad service the thought of walking out crossed my mind multple times.  Slow to take the order, slow for the food to come, no hot tea until the soup came after 20 minutes fucking slow.  It could have been the single worst service next to the time I walked out of Buca Di Beppo skipping out on a one drink tab because no one acknowledged us for over a half hour.  The slowest, yet friendly...yes they were very friendly, service ever.  It wasn't even like it was very crowded.  Other folks that came in after us were being served before us.  It was absolutely ridiculous.  So if I was going to give a star rating on this place it would be a 3 because the food was nothing short of amazing. 

Why I do this each time I have gone here is beyond me but I always get a soup and an entree.  The soup is a meal in itself.  You can get a small for $5.25 or the large for a dollar more.  Why would you get the small????  Well because if you got the small you could probably eat your entree.  Did I get the small?  Noooooooo, I got the large because I love a good value.  I got the Beef Ball with rice noodles (Pho Thit Bo Vien).  It is a giant bowl filled with noodles, pork, green onions, napa cabbage and some cilantro for flavor.  On the side is some hoisin, hot pepper paste, fresh jalapenos, limes, and a bowl of mung bean sprouts.  It is served steaming hot and tastes wonderful.  The stock is hard to place because the flavors are so incredible and exotic; star anise, ginger, pepper, and a hint of cinnamon.  I add my pepper paste, a dash of Sriracha, squeeze the lime in there and add a couple jalapeno slices and wow that is some damn good soup with a kick.  Now if you are not familiar with a beef ball, it's not like a meat ball.  It has the consistency of a fish cake.  Rather than grinding or forming the meat like a meatball, it is more or less pulverized to form this dense beef ball.  Call me a Philistine if you want but the consistency of the beef ball turns me off a little because it is just not something I am used to.  The flavor of the beef ball itself was a little bland but it's not like I didn't eat every last one.  They actually cooled me off a little from my added heat.  They have a bunch of differents soups on the menu and honestly it wouldn't be a bad thing to try them all because I am guessing they all are wonderful. 

For our main dish we both got different variations of the Vietnamese Stir Fry.  I chose the vegetarian with tofu, egg and vegetables and my wife got the traditional with shrimp, pork and chicken.  In comparison to the soup the portion was decent.  It wasn't huge more like "moderate" would be a good word for it.  I got mine "hot" and indeed it was hot.  It had excellent flavor and large chunks of fried tofu.  Unfortunately it last only 2 or 3 bites because the soup was such a hammer of a meal in itself there was no room for this wonderful noodle loaded delite.  I don't look at it as losing a dinner, I look at it as gaining lunch for tomorrow.  I am sure it will only get better with age. 

So in retrospect fuck Cleveland during a full moon, stay out of Cleveland proper.  There are too many crazy folks.  As far as Minh Ahn goes it is definitely worth checking out.  The prices are very reasonable (less than $40 for basically 4 meals; 2 soups, 2 entrees and hot tea).  Last time I went the service was much better so I chalk that up to a fluke, but a fluke that really pissed me off to the point of walking out and lowering any star rating I would give.  If that was my first time there I would hesitate ever coming back that bad kind of service.  The dinning area isn't very spacious and the decor is bland and lacks the usual stereotypical Chinese ugly ass murals.  They do have the required fish tank though.  Getting in and out would be next to near impossible for a wheelchair and the bathrooms are tucked away behind the cash register.  So the bathrooms + tight spaces makes this place pretty non-friendly for those who have mobility issues.  They have primarily booth seating with a few large tables in the middle section.  Make it a point to stop at the Vietnam Market the next building over before you head home.  Minh Ahn is really worth a shot if you are looking for authentic Vietnamese grub.

Slacking...yet I have been on the town.

First off I need to say film-wise The Hurt Locker and Inglorious Basterds were incredible films.  The Hurt Locker is certainly Oscar worthy, Inglorious it was good for what it was.  Sicko Q.T. violence with a nice story.  Last Sunday I was going to check out Crazy Heart at the Cedar Lee but had a sick dog on my hands.  It is one of the beyond irritating things in Cleveland having to travel miles to see one of what looks to be one of the best films out there.  Don't get me wrong I love the Cedar Lee but I live on the Westside and seriously 5 minutes from Crocker Park.  You don't need a multiplex showing 4 screens of Avatar or as Arnold said it on the Golden Globes Abbadar.  Again I digress on to the food and nightlife.

Friday 1.22.10 went out to dinner at Arturo's.  Arturo's is a nice little Italian restaurant-bar in North Olmsted.  It's over on Brookpark Extension and is family owned and operated.  It's my local place where I am consider more than a regular and more like part of the family.  I know all the folks that are regulars, and I can tell you the menu from memory.  The pizza is fantastic, as are most of the dishes on the menu.  The reason I come is either pizza or the daily special menu.  They have a Puerto Rican chef that cooks Italian food.  Hmmmm, interesting.  The guys name is Joe and he is one of the nicest people in the world but at the same time a dude you wouldn't want to fuck with.  The boy sure can cook. 

I had the jumbo stuffed cheese ravioli with a blush sauce.  Dinner specials come with soup or salad.  I went with the soup as most of the week I eat salad to remain accountable for my weekend actions.  It was great homemade chicken an dumplings.  The pasta was great a large portion of stuffed ricotta cheese ravioli, 2 homemade meatballs and an incredible zesty blush sauce made with fresh cream and 3 cheeses.  It was a hammer of a meal washed down with a couple of PBR's.  This place is very family friendly for those of you with kids and has enough TV's to watch the big game.  They have an ok jukebox which needs a bit of an update and a couple dart boards.  The bar is a good size, booth and table seating.  The prices are cheap.  You are looking at a full meal for under $10 and a large pizza for a few bucks more.  It has a nice friendly vibe, the servers are attentive, the booze is cheap and it is a nice place to just hang out.  The music isn't blasting, and there are no jackass scenesters.  There is live entertainment here and there but it's not their bread and butter the food is.  It's worth checking out for a quiet old school kind of rat pack night. 

Saturday 1.23.10 Pickwick and Frolic/Kevin's Martini Bar/The Champagne Bar...all those slashes there kind of tell you there might just be an identity (forgot to throw Hilarities in there too) problem.  Did I forget to mention Saturday the Lakers were in town playing the Cavs.  Ohhhhh fuck what did I sign myself up for tonight.  I was out celebrating something or other with friends so I was more than happy to make it out there.  I can honestly say with good company things have rose colored glasses.  Without the friends there I am not sure I would ever go back there.  Cons:  expensive, some kind of a odor in the basement area, slooooow service, pretentiousness out the ass, Pimp wannabes, drunk bachelorette parties, phony liquor snobs, really shitty music....hmmm oh yeah and $400 bottles of champagne.  Really there is a market for that in Cleveland?  Seriously is the Lebron posse going to roll in and order all the Cristal and Dom?  I highly fucking doubt it.  Pro's its pretty spacious, and when it was quiet the service wasn't too bad.  However when it got crowded that was another story completely.

The vibe is something out of a 70's porn and I think Vegas.  Although I know Vegas, I have been to Vegas and this place is no Vegas.  Maybe this is more like the bitch sister of Vegas, Atlantic City; all of the attitude but much less of the fun.  The decor consisted of uncomfortable but fashionable designer chairs so low to the ground it felt like you were sitting at the kids table on Thanksgiving.  I couldn't help but feel like a complete jackass sitting down being cock level with anyone standing up.  I ordered the Jeremiah Weed Martini.  Jeremiah Weed sweet vodka and lemon ice.  It was ok, nothing special, no lemon ice to be found and $9.50.  So a cheap night of cocktail fun here probably isn't a possibility.  There is nothing to distract you such as TV's or good music so be prepared to socialize.  Feel free to dress, look and act like a douchebag to really fit in.  I would suspect better service if you did.  Order a cheap drink be treated like shit, you get the drill.  So, to sum it up good friends make the night not so much the bar.  I would go back with a crowd if I had money to burn but other than that it just isn't my thing, but seeing how it is 5 different bars under one roof who the fuck really knows!  

Occupational Hazards: Big Daddy's Cheesesteaks

Yes, signed up for the Westlake Recreation Fitness Center yesterday.  I had to find a way to counteract the effects of going out pretty much every weekend.  Just a couple beers here and there and the comfort foods of Cleveland are gauranteed to pack on extra pounds that I really don't need.  It is just one of those occupational hazards of living this lifestyle I need to be sure to counteract. 

I am not a small man to begin with.  I am a giant amongst men in many ways.  I honestly have some moderate food allergies, coupled with high cholesterol that might kill a gorilla.  So, this is now a necessity for me.  I am fine with that.  I don't expect to really lose much weight just maintain what I got going on now.  It would be cool to tone myself up a little bit, but I am not looking for miracles from years of abuse to this beat up frame.  I ended up shooting hoops for an hour or so and felt it was a nice baby step to getting the cardio I need.  Don't let that Lebron fool you.  Basketball isn't as easy as he makes it seem.  I probably shot about 20% which is fine because I was chasing the ball around enough to get a decent sweat going and the blood pumping for that hour.  I see the gym rats there that probably throw down for a good 4 hours nonstop.  That ain't me.  I haven't done anything physical for years and it is going to be baby steps all the way until I get comfortable.

I final figured out why my silly Doctor seems to think smoking is bad for you because my lungs feel like they are full of soot.  I am coughing a bit and breathing, which should be a relatively simple task, was labored and still is while I am sitting here cooling down.  As the great Jerry Reed said in the fine film Smokey and the Bandit "we got a long way to go and a short time to get there." Honestly, yeah I do have a long way to go.  I don't know about the short time to get there but I want to see some results after a couple months.  I have vowed to sell my soul to getting some activity MWF and Sunday at the gym, then Tuesday and Thursday hit the training cycle at home.  Saturday will be spent relaxing or recovering or plotting my upcoming adventures in Cleveland.

Occupational hazard #1 Big Daddy's Cheesesteaks. 

Big Daddy's Cheesesteaks located on Lorain Road in the Kamm's Corner area of Cleveland is a new restaurant/diner in the Cleveland area.  Opened by long time Cleveland Chef Jason Noyes it offers a limited menu of some of the best damn comfort food on a bun you will find.  The reason to come is of course the cheesesteak, and this is no ordinary cheesesteak.  This is what Jason calls "Cleveland style".  It is shaved sirloin, grilled red onions, portobello mushrooms, bell peppers and his own recipe special cheese sauce.  It is served on a hoagie bun which is inconsequential seeing how this thing is piled so high with steak and "fixin's" that if you can eat it with your hands straight up you belong in MENSA.  It comes with a side of Cuyahoga Gravy for dipping and coleslaw.  Additional sides are available (home fries, dill-redskin potato salad, among others) or you can Big Daddy size it for extra meat which would be overkill for me.  The regular size is fine and should satisfy any hunger.  The Cuyahoga gravy is an amazing dipping sauce that oozes the slow cooked flavor of the sirloin.  It's like drinking the sandwich in a non-disgusting way. 

Jason serves up a variety of fresh soups daily today I tried out his chorizo and chicken stew.  It had a nice heat to it and I suspect without the potatoes in it my mouth would have been falling off.  The menu is small but when you are a cheesesteak joint your bread and butter is behind the cheesesteak and its variations.  You can have any cheesesteak served with chicken.  You can go Big Easy Voodoo style with a cajun kick, or try out the Carne de Queso with the 3 chili-lime seasoned sirloin.  You can throw a fried egg on that Big Daddy and call it brunch which is what I did.  The sandwich options sound pretty good too with a couple corned beef "rueben-esque" options and something called the Irish-German boy which is a jumbo brat with corned beef, swiss cheese, spicy mustard, horseradish and sweet kraut.  They do have a veggie option called the bello which is grilled portobellos, onions, peppers and cheese sauce.  Now for some reason he also has salads on the menu.  Why on God's green earth would anyone order a salad here is beyond me but they do have an interesting option called the O'Dunnigan Cobb.  A nice twist on the cobb salad with rows of corned beef, chopped egg, boiled red potatoes, red onions, swiss cheese and croutons. 

The main thing about Big Daddy's is fresh local ingredients, food served fresh, hot, fast and pretty cheap too.  You can leave there full for under $10.  The place is small so be careful when you come in.  Seriously max occupancy is like 15 people.  There are about 4 tables and a old school lunch counter.  They do carry-out as well to help you get your Cleveland cheesesteak fix to take home.  The service is friendly and the place is clean as a whistle.  I highly recommend Big Daddy's.  It is the kind of sandwich shop that has a giant void on the westside of Cleveland.  Don't settle for the garbage they serve as a cheesesteak at the chains, or whatever the fuck they call that shit on a bun at Dave's Cosmic Subs.  Pay a couple extra dollars and have the real homestyle deal at Big Daddy's.  And seriously...it is only a couple more dollars than the Subway.  Jason is a serious Chef making serious comfort food that will fill your belly and put a smile on your face...Cleveland style!

The Lampliter Lounge & Ignoring Daniel

Friday took me to the Borderlands of Parma-Cleveland-Parma Heights.  Honestly I have no idea where I was exactly because every time I looked up the address of this Lampliter place it told me a different city.  None the less it is right across the the beautiful beckoning lights of orktown Lanes (the "Y" is burnt out).  It is in a stripmall.  Add to that it is in a stripmall with a Goodwill and Sav-a-lot.  Oh dear Jesus...Parma + Stripmall + Goodwill + Sav-a-lot = disaster, right?  Nahhh it wasn't a bad little place.  I have been to other stripmall bars that are so sterile white you could probably do surgery in them.  The Lampliter is really a throwback to the blue collar dive bars of 70's and 80's Cleveland when the steel plants still functioned and 3 shifts went 24 hours a day at the Autoplants located a stones throw from this lounge.  It's still a shot and beer joint with the only real food being fresh Ohio smokies for $1.25, and bags of chips.  They have a pool table, one armed bandit gambling machines, a couple video games and a dart board. 

The bar is well stocked and the drink prices are pretty cheap.  It is dark, and dank with a nice sized bar and some table seating.  It is long and narrow with hardly enough stage room for a band but Ignoring Daniel did it comfortably with a small dance floor as an added bonus.  The ceiling above the dance floor is reminisent of something you see in an old sci-fi flick made in 1964 that was supposed to look futuristic.  It has plastic tiles with different color flashing bulbs going off to the beat of the music.  I could imagine this ceiling in the mansion of John Holmes playpen room.  It was that fucking horrible.  You could see the years of smoke soaked into ceiling tiles and the batroom smelled like the old monkey house at the Cleveland Zoo.  Other than the stink and minor cosmetic issues it still was a pretty fun place.

The bartenders and servers were super friendly and service was always pretty quick despite the place being very packed.  The overall crowd was pretty blue collar but extremely friendly.  I had multiple people asked about what I was taking pictures of or telling me stories about the time they saw Pink Floyd back in '79.  It certainly had it's characters, but you'll have that.  I think the Goodwill 2 doors down is the clothing store of choice for a lot of these cats but fuck it, I don't judge (too much).  I did see a few reasons Aquanet is still in business but for the most part the people there were very normal. 

The reason I went to this place was for my friend's birthday party, and to see Ignoring Daniel.  It was great seeing old friends and meeting some new ones, and Ignoring Daniel is a pretty fun fucking band.  High energy rock and roll covers with a couple originals thrown in.  They play everything from Billy Joel to Blink 182.  So alt-rock, hard rock, and whatever in between.  They took me back to a time when radio played great rock music and not Lady Gaga and Rob Thomas every other song.  I had fallen out of that alternative 92.3 sound some time back in the early 90's, but they played a lot from that grunge area then kicked in with some hair metal, and just out and out rock party anthems from the 70's on.  They had asses shaking on the dance floor, fists pumpin' in their stools and people singing along to old school favorites.

I asked my birthday friend while I was watching them "do you miss this shit?  You, know being up there on stage?"  To which he replied without hesitation "Fuck yeah".  Ignoring Daniel made me miss it too.  It's not that they are this super serious cover band like some of the Cleveland staples that take themselves way too fucking seriously. They are just a few guys who honestly love to get up there and play fucking rock and roll music.  I am sure they like the extra cash but you can tell they are up there having fun.  It pays off for them because the crowd eats it up and the dance floor was packed for multiple songs.  I can say one thing though their gear is fucking sick.  Professional sound, risers for the drum kit, everything state of the art to the point I didn't even want to touch it.  Very worth checking out if you get in the mood for the old days of Cleveland radio.  If you were a WMMS, WGCL fan or a fan of the early days of The End seriously worth a trip down memory lane. 

I expected acid washed jeans, and big hair.  I did get a little bit of that yet so much more from Ignoring Daniel at The Lampliter Lounge.  It's a tucked away little gem of a place with live bands on the weekends, cheap prices, and just general people watching entertainment.  I wouldn't mind going back and I might just do that on my tour, but I got a lot of other places to hit up in the meantime.

El Rodeo North Olmsted

I have been slacking as of late because I went to El Rodeo in North Olmsted last Sunday for lunch.  The decor of El Rodeo is pretty standard for most Mexican joints.  You get the vibrant colors all over the place, a couple huge sombreos adorning the walls, and the random pinatas hanging from the ceiling.  It looks like a Mexican cab morphed into a restaurant.  No, that's not a bad thing!  It's just adds to the festive vibe of the place.  If you are lucky you can even see a mariachi band if you go on a weekend night.  Otherwise you get to hear traditional tejano music over the speakers.  Now, I love tejano music can't get enough of it honestly, but I do not speak Spanish at all.  Well, I speak spanish a little bit but only know phrases like chingar, chinga tu madre, vete a la chingada...but I digress.  However every song I swear has the word quando in it at least 5 times.  I am convinced of this, and make it a point to sing quando quando as much as possible no matter what song is on.  It just fits.  I also know if I were to do this in Mexico I probably would be forced into sex slavery in a donkey show.  

The service at the North Olmsted location is always great.  The Westlake one is hit or miss, but we usually hit the one on Lorain in North Olmsted unless we are in the Crocker area.  They are quick to seat you and the big basket of fresh wam chips is on the table in a matter of seconds along with a mini carafe of fresh salsa.  The salsa is really good and usually pretty mild.  It isn't all crazy chunky but you get the rouge onion, tomato chunk and fresh cilantro here and there.  There are two great appetizers on the menu that go really well with the chips.  The guacamole of course is one of them.  Fresh mashed avacodo with onion, cilantro, garlic and a hint of lime.  It is a very basic guac, but the simple flavors are refreshing.  The other appetizer is the bean dip which comes out in a 900 degree hot crock.  It is simply refried beans with a huge amount of queso blanco on the top.  It's pretty much 50/50 beans and cheese and goes great with the warm chips.  However we got the guac this time and it was wonderful as usual.  They also gave us a complementary bowl of soup.  It was ok, nothing I would order from the menu.  It was just a very basic chicken-tomato broth with some noodles.  My wife said she had chicken in hers, but Quando Boy had no trace of chicken in his.  Who cares it was free, and warm and it was bitterly cold outside.

Every time I go there I get the same thing and it is a hammer of a platter of food.  It is called "Special Dinner" and it is quite special indeed.  You get one of each of the following:  Beef enchilada, chicken tamal, bean chalupa, cheese chili relleno, hard shell taco, and a huge side portion of rice and refried beans.  Now this is breakfast, lunch and dinner served on two hot plates.  If you eat this you are done for the night or day in this case.  I always start with the bean chalupa because it is my least favorite on the plate.  It's not bad, but lacks the flavor of the other items.  The chalupa itself is a nice size smothered in refried beans and topped with lettuce, tomato, sour cream and a little dollop of guac.  The ground beef enchilada is wrapped in a soft corn tortilla and covered in a mild red sauce.  The hard shell taco has a generous portion of seasoned ground meat, lettuce, tomato, and crumbled queso fresco.  The chile relleno is a wild card.  Sometimes it is very mild other times it has some serious kick to it.  This particular time it had some real heat to it.  It is deep fried golden brown bursting with more queso of course that cools down the spice from the pepper.  The tamal is filled with slow cooked chicken seasoned to perfection.  The rice and refried beans are abundant and are a great compliment to the chips.  This entire meal is washed down with a fruit punch Jarrito and water.  My wife got the Nacho Supreme, and assured me it was excellent.  Fresh chips covered in season ground beef, slow cooked shredded chicken, refried beans topped with lettuce, tomato and a generous amount of sour cream.

El Rodeo has multiple locations in the Cleveland area.  The one we went to is located on 23135 Lorain Road in North Olmsted.  They also have a locations in Westlake and Middleburg Heights.  I seriously do recommend the North Olmsted location though.  The small differences in service and the food itself are noticable.  They all look the same inside and they all play Quando Quando music, but something about this N. O. location is just better.  They actually have a decent bar at the Westlake location.  The N.O. bar is kind of small but still does the job.  They have a decent selection of Mexican beers, and the margaritas are huge and ass kickers.  They also have every flavor of Jarritos known to mankind and Mexican Coke for those trying to stay away from the demon HFCS.  The menu is huge and has all the standards including a decent size vegetarian section.  This is serious comfort food, large portions and excellent flavors.  I don't want to get into the "that's not authentic Mexican" fight either.  I am not saying it is the best in the world because my week of Mexican dinning in Tucson was pretty much the best ever.  However this is fucking Cleveland, and for Cleveland being so far from the border of Mexico I think El Rodeo does a great job comparable of anything in the area.  I think it is 10x's better than El Jalapenos, better than Luchita's who has really gone downhill in the past few years, better than or on par with Nuevo Acapulco, but not as good as Mi Pueblo or Villa Y Zapata.  It is what it is, hearty Mexican food that will fill you up for around $10 a meal. 

1.9.10 Sterle's Slovenian Country House, The Beachland Ballroom & TheFlying Monkey

Last night I had every intention in the world to finally head over to The Town Fryer for dinner.  I did, but they were closed.  I was bummed.  So I am driving on dreaded outskirts of pretty much one of the worst areas of Cleveland.  The dreaded double nickel, East 55th street.  Loaded with projects and, public housing, torn down, burnt down, closed down shut down and condemed buildings.  Where the hell can a white boy like me go have dinner?  Oh yeah, Frank Sterle's Solvenian Country House on E. 55th just north of Superior.  It is an oddity in that it has been in this area since 1965.  It has never changed.  The place looks like a german beerhall mixed in with your grandma's basement.  They serve authentic Eastern European food, and have had the same menu for 25 years.  It is not loaded with salads and vegetarian options...it is loaded with meat, meat more meat then some pork and some chicken.  They have polka bands playing on the weekends.  Last night (no idea who they were sorry too into my meal) there was a grammy award winning polka band playing.  I have to say though winning a grammy in the polka catagory is a lot like kissing your sister I would imagine, seeing how there are only a handful of polka artists remaining. 

So if you check the website they call the decor "a terrific Alpine-style atmosphere" I call it a big old hall with German paintings, dim lights and a dance floor.  And oh yes my friends they were dancing to these polkas and they were fucking serious about it.  I am not making fun, it was amazing to watch.  I could imagine what these old timers looked like back in '65 on this very same dance floor, they still had these dance moves down.  The servers were dressed in semi-modest beer garden attire, some with rather large breasts popping out the top like they wanted to escape and dance the polka.  But I digress because you soon forget about everything else once the food comes. 

Now if you go I recommend you do the family style dinner, but only if you willing to be in a food induced coma for a couple hours after.  It includes Soup...oh my the soup.  The soup is homestyle chicken noodle with liver dumplings.  It has that authentic broth with the rendered chicken fat oil slick floating on the top.  It is not like a little cup of soup either it is a big old bowl loaded with noodles and liver dumplings.  The flavor is amazing like the kind of soup you make at home from simmering the stock for hours.  You also get a salad, which is a normal house salad.  Then you get Wienerschnitzel, roast pork, solvenian sausage, vegetable of the day, sauerkraut, potato, coffee and strudel.  A German hammer of a meal.  We didn't get the family style option because we wanted to be able to walk with our pants buttoned the rest of the night.

I got the standard Wienerschnitzel which was fried golden brown to perfection and tender enough to cut with a fork with only a little effort.  You got two huge pieces of it with a side of their wonderful home fries.  They are a scoop of potatoes with crisp edges that are melt in your mouth good.  It's like a combination of mashed potatoes with big chunks of home fry goodness.  My wife got the Sterle Schnitzel, which was thin cut veal unbreaded served with a heroin infused sour cream and mushroom gravy.  It had to have heroin in it otherwise we both wouldn't have been sopping it up with the bread that came with the meal. 

The sevice is friendly, attentive and quick.  I like that they really don't bug you too much and all the food comes rolling out on carts from the kitchen.  This way you can see the various dishes on the menu and drool more or less.  The owner is the hostess and she is always charming sitting at her post ready to take your bill.  There is only one thing I think should be added to the menu and it is but only on the party menu; stuffed cabbage.  I can't think of anything bad to say about this joint, but don't take my word for it go check it out for yourself.  They are actually going to be on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives this Monday at 10pm on the Food Network, make sure to watch it. 

Stop 2 was the Beachland Tavern for the CD release party for Dan McCoy & the Standing 8's.  The Beachland is pretty much the best venue in the Cleveland area to see a show any night of the week.  They have a smaller Tavern side where smaller national and regional acts take the stage and a main Ballroom. This concert hall has been home to more up and coming acts in its few short years it has been open than most of the venues in Cleveland combined.  The venue itself used to be an old slovenian home and still has the wall paintings that look like stills from the Sound of Music to prove it. 

There was a nice crowd for the CD release and the music started at around 9:30 with the countrified stylings of Heelsplitter.  Now one thing about Heelsplitter I really love beyond the music is the band itself.  There is more intelligence in this band than that douche bag in Weezer with his fancy book learning degrees.  I don't like giving up personal info on folks but these guys and gals are smart.  What I also dig about this band is their true love of the genre of the music they play, and the people they play it for.  They could play for 10 people or 10,000 and they would still be smiling and having a genuine good time on that stage.  It is hard to pinpoint their sound because it's not country, it's not folk, and it's not bluegrass.  It is a roots style of Americana music that really has only the home of the true fans of bands like Split Lip Rayfield, The Meat Purveyors, and The Shack Shakers.  Cow-Punk, Alt Country or whatever you want to call it, the truth is it's just good music.  Banjo, guitars, mandolin and Frankenbass (a homemade monster of a one string DIY bass).  

So the Splitter did a nice 45 minute set of their material, swilling back PBR tallboys and showing off their chops.  After a short break we took the time to head downstairs to This Way Out vintage store located in the basement of the complex.  This Way Out is a fun vintage store that has records, clothes, jewelry, and various fun knicknacks.  I purchased a wonderful Colt 45 serving tray for $12 for my friend Murph's birthday gift which he held like a trophy at the party we went to at the Flying Monkey later in the night.  A very fine choice.  After browsing and shopping we headed back up to hear a little bit of Old Boy who were incredibly loud and as quoted by a friend in the now packed crowd "Wow, someone needs to tell this guy he can't sing".  It was more of a yelling thing than a singing thing to me.  It just didn't fit the mix of the night and honestly...kind of made our decision to head onward an easy one.  It is pretty hard to drag me away from a live show especially at the Beachland because they have a great selection of beers and a great overall vibe.  I just didn't want to get yelled at for the next half hour.  So we missed Dan McCoy, but kept our self esteem by not being yelled at.  

Last stop Happy Birthday to Murph at the Flying monkey.  The Monkey is a great little bar in Tremont.  They have an excellent beer and wine selection and a Monkey that comes out like a deranged cuckoo clock on request.  They have a couple video games including a vintage Elvira pinball machine that was a lot of fun.  The bar itself has a very upscale vibe and is on the pricey side, but usually makes for a nice quiet night.  Well it was anything but quiet tonight.  It was packed but mostly for the party which was fun.  It was great hanging with the birthday boy for a bit.  Minus the fact the music sounded like a gay disco circa 1991 it was a good time.  After so much activity over the weekend the clock struck midnight and I made out of there like a ghost and pointed my spaceship home.

1.8.10 Forti's & The Happy Dog (again) with The Fox Hunt & The Magpies

I am not one for Downtown Cleveland for going out.  I go to very few places in the city of Cleveland proper.  I think West 6th is full of nonstop douchebagery and some of it spills out to the West 25th Street area.  I remember years ago spending my 20's in the Flats drinking myself into booze induced comas.  I also remember Downtown Cleveland and the West 25th area to be crawling with prostitues, pimps, dealers and addicts.  Man has a lot changed since those days.  Cleveland has cleaned up their act but with the age of Craigslist why drive around looking for hookers when you can find them online.  I am sure there are still pockets in Cleveland where this element has moved to but I don't know where that is. 

On a nice day I'll drive around the outskirts of the ghettos and hoods taking pictures of many of the abandoned buildings that seem to be the plague of Cleveland.  When people come to the city they go in this one section that is "clean" and "sterile".  They go to the small area of West 6th, or north of West 6th is the Browns Stadium, a little bit East is Playhouse Square, and a little south is The Q and Progressive field.  If you venture out of this particular area with small exceptions like Tremont, and some of Ohio City it's dead.  The opening of the House of Blues really built the area of West 4th bringing in Michael Symon and other fine dining. My first stop was at Forti's in the safe zone of Cleveland. 

Forti's is a small bar that is really dependent on the Cleveland sports teams.  It's one of the many places you could stop before seeing a Cavs or Tribe game.  When the Tribe are hot most of the bars really come alive.  When the Tribe suck, which has been the case for the last couple years the bar business is rough in this area.  The Winking Lizard next door does a much better business but I am not sure exactly why.  Yes they have like 6,000,000 beers to choose from but mostly you see people buying Bud Lite, or Miller Lite or whatever is on sale cheap from the tap.  Forti's offers a good selection of beers and some mighty fine bourbons.  What you get with Forti's is a more attentive staff and an on sight owner. 

I like seeing the owner at his own bar.  He was a great cat as a matter of fact.  I only stayed for about an hour or so to meet up with some friends so I didn't have any food but they do have a small kitchen serving up the standard bar faire.  They had a burger, beer and shot deal for $10 which sounded tempting however I did not partake.  I will be the first to say I was never sold on Forti's.  I thought of it as the old Boneyard that was filled with popped collar assholes drinking cheap beer before the Tribe games back when they were good.  Jocks, and fucking assholes wall to wall where you can't move.  Girls dressed in skirts so short you could see their labia if they crossed their legs a certain way.  What I figured out last night is it isn't Forti's that is the problem, it's the people.  I just don't like that certain set of people.  This is why I don't like tailgating either.  I don't like sloppy drunk assholes talking sports and being stupid.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sports too but I don't know enough to hold a 17 hour conversation about them.  I don't like high fiving every douche bag around me when they make when the all star makes the big play.  Honestly I would rather be in Japan and not really touch people at all if at all possible.  So, what I am getting at is I kind of liked Forti's.  It's a nice little owner opperated joint that serves up some strong drinks and supposedly a damn good burger.  I would go again, shit the bartender is like this MMA Fighter or something too so I'd like to get in on that story too. 

At around 9:30 we made our way over to the Happy dog (yes the fucking Happy Dog again).  I can honestly say the experience was COMPLETELY different then the last time.  It is $5 to see the bands and well worth it because both bands were pretty fucking good.  We walk in the door and it was kind of packed with a nice crowd to see The Magpies with The Fox Hunt opening.  I had heard about the Magpies from a few different people and said well I got to see what the buzz was about, but more about them later. 

We walk up to the bar, my wife and I, and immediately one of the bartenders says hey there are 2 seats open at the end of the bar over there or a table over on the side.  I thought that was pretty cool in itself, like I said a completely different experience.  Attentive service is a great thing.  This guy doesn't know me.  I am not a regular yet hey here are some open seats go have a seat.  We sat down ordered a couple drinks, and the Fox Hunt got on the stage.  We decided to order a couple dogs again and my wife and I played a little Russian Roulette with our hot dogs.  I choose a chili, cheese, carmelized onion, potato chip option for her with a side of tots with that awesome saffron aioli for her and I got something along the lines of a tomato, onion, pickle, cucumber dog with tots and baked beans for a topping.  Both of us really liked our dogs but baked beans on the tots are probably not the way to go because it takes away from the crispness of the tot.  They weren't horrible or anything but I have decided to never again get anything with a sauce on a tot.  At the end of the night when we got the bill though I remembered why I was so down on the dogs again.  It was $40 for a couple rounds and the food.  So, yeah I still think it is a little pricey for a hot dog, but we had excellent service, some Adams Family pinball, friends and some great conversation. 

The Fox Hunt were great.  Hailing from Martinsburg West Virginia they brought a nice slice of the Americana sound to Cleveland last night.  Ohhh, wait hold the phone real quick...the sound...the sound at the Happy Dog needs some work.  I don't know if they need a new sound system or what but the buzz, pops and hissing that come from that fucking thing sound horrible and actually can scare the shit out of you at times.  It's like having the band along with the Old Man's furnace from the movie A Christmas Story which takes away from the band a little bit.  I don't know if the sound guy there sucks, or if they even have a sound guy but that shit needs to be fixed before they blow the fucking thing up.  So, The Fox Hunt gets up on stage and starts playing some serious down home bluegrass inspired songs.  Minus the pops and hisses during the start of the set they were great.  I even picked up a cd which was comforting on the way home.  It's shit you don't hear often enough in the area. 

When people I know think of country they think of Billy Ray Cyrus, Toby Keith bullshit so they are afraid to go see a "country" band with me.  Trust me, I hate that shit too.  It is nice to see this comeback of down home alt-country in the style of the Carter Family meets Uncle Tupelo making a come back.  The Fox Hunt are real, muscians and story tellers.  They were a great band with some incredible craftsmanship.  I would certainly see these guys again. 

After a short break The Magpies took the stage and really "rocked the house" so to speak.  They bring this indie folk revival vibe with them.  Getting bodies dancing like snake charmers, mesmerizing the crowd.  They have a nice sound to them, and it is hard to pinpoint what they are.  One song you get this Modest Mouse thing going and the next you can hear the roots of the punk rock where they were born and raised.  It's this blend of indie rock, folk, country, pop, blues with an energy that makes folks want to dance.  Yeah, they are the real deal and I will be seeing them again I am sure in the dime.  I can honestly see them going places with this sound, and I am surprised this was the first time I saw them. 

Like I said I am not really a "reviewer" I am there for the entire scene soaking it all in like a giant ray of August Cleveland sunlight.  So I say go see them and support the scene in Cleveland.  I don't know what songs they played.  I couldn't tell you a name of any of their songs, either band for that matter.  I didn't grab the set list, and it is doubtful I will ever do that.  I just think they are worth checking out if you get the chance.  Tonight I am heading to the Beachland, I might hit the Town Fryer for dinner and the Flying Monkey in Tremont after the Beachland show.  I'm on a roll. 

The snow

The thing about this weather is I choose to stay here.  I could leave.  I think Cleveland folk are all sadists and masochists for the most part. 


I had to laugh looking at the status updates of friends in Florida and other southern states (originally from Cleveland) who bitch about 40 degrees.  You lived in Cleveland, and a few seasons in a warm climate all the sudden you turn into sissies.  It's like that whole Cleveland factor of driving in the snow I guess.  Some folks, usually those with Malley's "choc" stickers on their minivans, forget how to drive.  They forget under that blanket of white pretty fluff lurks a thing called ice. 

I live the first house in from the corner of a short cut street.  We still have ditches where most would have a tree lawn.  During the winter months it is not uncommon for us to lose at least one or two mailboxes.  It is also guaranteed 5 or 6 cars will end up sideways in my ditch or the neighbors resulting in multiple colors of flashing lights breaking our sleep like patriotic non-stop flashing fireworks.  We wake and listen as the tow truck driver mumbles mother fucker more than a couple times having to deal with the idiot driver, and yes...we snicker.  Honestly that shit is funny like watching someone slip on a banana peal.  No one really gets hurt and despite my pleas to the city to fill it at no cost we play this game every year.  They just come out and replace the mailbox, do measurements and surveys, say no and we do it all again next year. 

I would rather be in Tucson right now eating at Rosie's where Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson would hang out.  I would be eating homemade chips and salsa, nursing a rocks margarita and a big fat burrito with rice and beans on the side, but I am here in Cleveland.  I am here because I am serving a sentence in hell.  One day I will go west where I belong but for now Cleveland is my home.  And tomorrow my home will be the Time Warp Bar-Tavern-whatever you want to call it for cocktails, yuengling, and Golden Tee with friends.  The only bar I know of that serves Yuengling as a matter of fact.  They had it last time I hope they got more.  I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. 

The Mission

I probably should introduce myself. I am Meursault Cassiel. I have lived in the Cleveland area give or take, my natural born life of 39 years. Is that my real name? Does it matter? I take my name from Meursault the main character in the Albert Camus novel The Stranger. My surname is interesting too and says a lot of the the duality of my personality. Cassiel (Hebrew קפציאל Qafsiel) is the Latin name of an angel in post-biblical Judeo-Christian religion, particularly that of the Kabbalah. Unlike many other angels, Cassiel is known for simply watching the events of the cosmos unfold with little interference.

So I am the sociopath watcher more or less. Aren't all critics (music, food or otherwise) supposed to be sociopaths? It makes for a pretty honest review I am guessing.

So Meursault Cassiel came up with a plan to head out to concerts, restaurants, films, plays, events, attractions, dives, dumps, high class to lowbrow across this great city of Cleveland at least once a week. I was sick of finding myself in the same place every other weekend knowing full well there is always something going on 20 minutes away. My friends have their own bar stools, plaques and company stock in some of the joints they frequent. I want more than that. I figured while I am out doing it I might as well drag as many people with me as possible.

Are these real reviews? I don't know what you call them. Call them reviews, excerpts, musings, or me simply watching, writing, observing and reporting the events of the cosmos unfolding with little interference.

Upcoming Events

Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 8:00pm
Beachland Tavern

Cleveland singer / songwriter and frontman to Rambler 454, Dan McCoy, is throwing a party to officially release his new solo effort, "The Journeyman".This will be the first time Dan McCoy will be backed by The Standing 8's: Greg Markell (Guitar), Russell Fleckenstein (Drums), & Richard Pflueger (Bass).

"The Journeyman" is McCoy's second solo release and features some of McCoy's finest material to date. Most of which will be featured live. Recorded by Clint Holley at Audio Spectrum Studio, and brought to you by Cleveland's RVGNOISE.

Cleveland's Americana / Bluegrass / Alt-Country superstars, HEELSPLITTER, and Cleveland rockers, Oldboy will open the show.

Saturday, January 30, 2010 at 5:00pm
The Town Fryer
(The Agora building on E. 55th)

On December 19th, our dear friend Ali Porter took a rather unfortunate tumble down some stairs and busted her pretty little neck. Ali has long been a die hard supporter of Cleveland's roots music scene. Whether as first class bartender, a fan coming to shows all over town, or just a solid friend to musicians everywhere, she is as much a staple to the scene as many of the bands and musicians that make it up. She would never ask, but it's time for us to give a little back.

She will be tied up in a crazy brace apparatus and unable to work for quite some time. As anyone who has ever been injured or ill with no insurance knows, that doesn't keep the bills from coming in. Please join us on January 30th, 2010 at The Town Fryer (E.55th and Euclid in the Agora building) for Ali-Fest. There will be tons of great musical acts from the Cleveland roots scene and beyond handling the entertainment, and several local artists and businesses have donated items for auction/raffle during the event.

There will be no straight cover for this, just a donation at the door. Whatever you can pitch in to the cause will be greatly appreciated, and put to good use.As always, there will be food and drink a-plenty available, and loads of great entertainment, with the evening capped off with a typically smokin' set by The Jack Fords.

Look for lots of updates with a full list of bands, and auction/raffle items.

The Harp, The Portersharks & The Happy Dog

The Portersharks at the Harp & the late night Hot Dogs at the Happy Dog.

The Portersharks are Bill Chambers (Guitar & Vocals), Francis Quinn (Fiddle), & Brendan Carr (bodhran / percussion). They are a Cleveland staple in the Irish music scene playing traditional Irish music. Quinn is amazing on the fiddle, and Chambers has the voice of an old Irish storyteller. He makes you feel he has lived these songs all of his life. Brendan Carr brings it all together playing traditional Irish percussion.

The Harp, located in Ohio City is one of the best Irish-style pubs in the Cleveland area. If it's a authentic style Guinness you are looking for to quench your thirst or have the craving for some Boxty and a nice Corned Beef sandwich this is the place for all of that.

The Harp boasts beautiful hardwood throughout the joint, and professional servers behind the bar and on the floor. The patio in the spring & summer is a great place to take in the wonderful city views. They have live entertainment pretty much every weekend. Excellent food, great music and old world charm.

There is something about this place that makes a great first stop but it is more of a dinning vibe than a bar to hang out all night. It can get kind of expensive to hang out and drink, and there isn't much to do outside of the band and a couple tv's. Don't get me wrong I do like this place but it loses some appeal after a couple hours. The bar itself can get cramped but the dinning area is spacious. So if you want to start your night off this is a great spot just don't plan on staying all night.

Stop 2 was a few blocks west where we stopped at the Happy Dog on 58th and Detroit. Hipster vibe, great beer selection, and a pretty good jukebox. After hearing so much about the hot dogs I had to try one out. I can honestly say it was very good for a novelty dog. At $5.00 a pop (it's a hot dog) it's a bit pricey considering you can get some great dogs down the road at the Hot Dog Inn or Steve's. The topping choices are outstanding and fun, but at the same time it's that whole trendy hipster thing vs do I want the real deal down the street. I got mine with caribbean slaw (which lacked any caribbean spice), Brie (kind of bland) and black truffle mustard. When it was all said and done I just got a slaw dog with cheese and mustard. On the positive side are the sides...mainly the only one that matters a huge heaping portion of Tater Tots served with various toppings as well.

The Happy dog has a nice vibe. It's down home with a hint of indie hipster PBR. However $10 for a hot dog and tots is kind of silly. I am so torn on this because I wanted to like it so much but I was not floored and the food didn't live up to all the hype. I certainly would go again don't get me wrong but this place needs a bit more growing to come into its own. Service was "ok", a little slow honestly. They could possibly use another server behind the giant bar. I have been before and had better service. Unfortunately it is the inconsistent factor of will I get good and fast service or get snubbed because of lack of indie rock street cred. It's a scenster kind of place and once it outgrows the mild pretentiousness I think it will be a long standing place to go to hear great local bands, have a beer and possibly eat a $5 dog again.