Just me bloggin' me

So I went to the Doctor today to get a routine finger prick blood test that turned into 5 vials worth at the lab.  I like my Doctor.  He is a pretty funny guy honestly.  When I complained about some arm soreness he asked how that happened.  I had to tell him the truth he's my doctor after all.  I went to a work function at Dave and Busters and seriously fucked up my arms by....playing that video boxing game.  Yeah the one with the fake gloves that you throw jabs, and uppercuts while you bob and weave.  You know the one.  Well without Mick in my corner telling me to "stick and move Rock" I made it 3 rounds.  I was proud of myself but I was fatigued like I was actually boxing without getting hit.  The outcome of this?  I am out of shape like you would not believe, and my own Doctor laughing at me for being such a walking disaster.  


So, the Doc wants to see how the ticker is doing, along with running some other tests because Diabetes is a right of passage in my family.  I already spoke in a previous post of the vertigo, which in itself sucks but I started this involuntary twitching when I yawn sometimes.  I can't recreate it either with fake yawns so he wants me to check in with a Neurologist just to see what kind of craziness this is all about.  It's not a little twitch.  It's like a full on shake, rattle and roll thing in my hand.  Now of course it is in the side of my arm where I have broken, dislocated, and sprained it several times so that makes me worry a little less.  It's the not knowing stuff that always freaks me out.  You know the "well it could be nothing at all or it could be Parkinson's" sentence.  Why not just leave out the "or it could be" part?  I am perfectly happy with it could be nothing at all. 

So after being laughed at by the Doc a little more out of the blue this time from him picturing me boxing a machine and pulling a bicep muscle he gave me the talk.  I am narrowly escaping being put on blood pressure medication and something else I blocked out.  He wants me to lose 24 pounds in 6 months which seems like a decent time frame to do so.  I started doing the whole Vegan thing in hopes that I might lose a few pounds, and that didn't really do shit.  I didn't feel any better. I didn't have more energy, and I didn't really lose any weight minus maybe a couple pounds.  

I think it is a compassionate lifestyle and I applaud any and all that live that lifestyle.  I love animals.  I am a compassionate person.  I follow Buddhist philosophy about that.  Karma, right?  I think that things such as dairy products and eggs are gifts from the animals and I don't have a problem eating that sort of thing.  I honestly could go without meat the rest of my life.  That's 50% compassion and 50% worry about what is now in the animals.  The hormones injected into them, the antibiotics, pigs that live in such a sterile environment humans can only enter their "sanctuary" wearing masks and bio-hazard suits in fear of one germ would completely wipe out the entire lot of them.  Cage free is bullshit, organic is a crock, and eating local farm raised meats and produce in Cleveland is only possible 5 or 6 months a year when the farm markets are open.   

So Vegan wasn't my thing.  The problem with any diet, be it Vegan or South Beach or Weight Watchers or Atkins I go on benders.  I crave what I can't have because it is my personality.  I could be doing great for a month and then someone waves temptation in my face and I cave.  Once I cave I know I screwed up for the week, once I screwed up for the week well fuck it, it's over and this diet sucks it doesn't work let's go get a Roman Burger.  Then it starts all over again.  I think vegan options have gotten so much better as of late it would be easy to embrace compassionate eating even a couple days a week. I like the fake chicken patties and nuggets better than the real ones.  I like a good veggie burger too, but I like it with french fries which are a vegan option, but a horrible choice.  

I love watching the celebrity folks that go on diets and lose like 50 pounds in a matter of months.  Hell, look at Matt Damon in his recent roles or even Deniro in Raging Bull.  They packed on a ton of weight and lost a ton of weight for their craft.  How did they do it?  Well, lets think about it.  They have the luxury of not working a day in their life.  They can hire a nutritionist, a personal chef and build a gym and hire the chick from the Biggest Loser to work them out while man servants fan them with palm tree leaves and women feed them grapes by hand.  They just make it so unrealistic when they say "they watch what they eat" and "work out".  

All I know is I have 6 months to lose 24 pounds, and if I don't do it I am going on a Roman Burger binge or maybe I will just find the Zen to dieting.  I don't know.  All I know is a vegan diet just isn't my thing because vegans can eat total junk food too.  I'd end up being a miserable overweight vegan.  I am going to start introducing more proteins into the diet.  I am not going to make myself suffer and learn what moderation actual means.  If I want to go out to eat somewhere I just won't make lousy options.  It's ok to slip up too just get back on the horse immediately.  I am going to "de-junk food" the house tomorrow.  If it isn't around it will make me actually have to make a conscious decision to get in the car and drive to buy junk food.  I hope in the time the shame and guilt kicks in that it will make me turn around.  My enemy is impulse, always has been.  If I learn to curb impulse I can do this.    

That is all.  I am human at times too.  It's not all rock and roll, concerts, beers, booze and good times.  It just feels good for me to read this, and if someone has something to offer me then excellent.  If not at least I can see this in print to remind me of the mission I am on.